Friday, November 4, 2011

Memories of my father who is Ian.

Memories in my head
Attached to my heart.
Trying to find the words
To say I love you
And appreciate so much what you have done for me.
As a father , as a person.

I am forgetful of things.
Write less
Think and feel more.

No matter where I am
Where you be.
You are always in my heart and soul

Birthdays come once a year and are special times.
I feel a sense of loss when I forget someones special day.
I never forget you as a father but I feel sometimes I don’t appreciate or give you aknowledgement as a person.

My special times are especially when you and I are far away
Like tonight travelling to get chinese food.
Remembering the time when we used to go get chinese and the two of us would eat steamed dim sims together.  It was these little seeming times when I and you were together that I remember and cherish the most.

Remembering the time we were adults together drinking at a sake bar and realizing I was your son but definitely not a child anymore and looking at you as a person not just as a father.

I don’t think I show you enough how important you have been
And how special you are
And how I DID notice when you did so many things for me
And quite often at cost to yourself.

I thought and felt of you for many years as my father.
Someone I have quite often taken for granted and know is just there.
I forget the man Ian.
Forget to be a father you have sometimes had to let Ian go.

I love you as my father.
I respect and like you as Ian the man
And the more I have got to know you
The more I realize there is lots about you
That I have taken on board and integrated in my life.
Because deep within I have agreed with and liked how you approach life.

Part of you does live in me
I am my own person too smiles uniquely marty which is many different things.
Some of the memories that flashed and attached to that dim sim are below in no particular order.

Chinese steam dim sims just you and I munching them in the car on the way back home.
Crafting of a dilemna of wood metal and wheels that sped down hills with incredible abandon.
A place of adventure built high above sandy expanse where many special times were spent.
Watching a first aid box transformed into a house roof  with stairs and doors, windows and window boxes.
Smell of wood and metal.
Feel of shavings in my hands.
Putting a tube in a slot and watching wide eyed as it sped up the wall and across the room and out.
Hearing tijuana brass on the tape deck.
Travelling around australia towing a crafted trailer behind us.
The hand at the tiller as I clambered up front.
The captain going down with his ship.
The wind in my heart as we parted the waves and listened together to the rippling of the water.
Sitting in a sake bar drinking  as a man with my father.
Racing to a train laughing.
Speaking at my wedding with warmth and love.
Bumping your head on airconditioners and sharp corners
Forgetfully intent on one thing while leaving another be.
A boat handcrafted from another country and visions of jungle.
Taking me to a swimming pool with a kayak and watching with bemusement.

I love you dad.
I like you Ian.

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